When Love Hurts

The very first miscarriage I had was after our 3rd child. I was 11 weeks and went in for my second check-up, where they do the first ultrasound. I was having the ultrasound and the nurse left the room and came back with the doctor and he told me there was no heartbeat. I was by myself and I just did not know what to say or think. I called my husband right away and told him. The doctor had given me a choice of having the miscarriage on my own or I could have a D & C. I went home and waited a couple of days not wanting to believe the doctor. Four days went by and I began to bleed. I knew I could not go on. We called the doctor and I was admitted the next day for surgery.  I had two other miscarriages like this one but those were 12 weeks apart.  On the second I lost it and went through a litany of things I would give my husband permission to do if I did not come out of the hospital. Crazy, I know, but when we are under stress and grief we can say and think thoughts that are not normal.

Futhermore, there was a time when I was about 7 weeks along and began to miscarry.  It was very difficult because we had 4 small children at the time and my husband had to be out of town. We had no relatives that lived near by. I was an emotional wreck and I remember asking myself how can I do this? I had to dig deep and I really cried out to the Lord for help. I am not here to tell you that by crying out my circumstances all became better.  In fact, I knew in my mind that I had to fight bitterness and resentment against my husband for not canceling his business trip. I was mad and hurting and all I wanted to do was runaway. I knew that was not possible with 4 small children. The weekend went by and I miscarried and felt all alone. It was hard!